Divorcing a Destructive is not going to be easy or as freeing as a "normal" divorce.
Mediation is not advisable or wise with necessary divorces and toxic men.
Some divorces go on and on ~ and modifications become the norm
(in an attempt to either punish, hurt, sabotage, or to maintain control).
If you are divorcing a destructive guy, do not go in blind, overly hopeful, or all empathetic for him, and not for you. Break ups from toxic relationships are NOT the same as other break ups, the disconnection is trickier, and manipulation continues well beyond the break up. You have to protect yourself in a different way than most, and even your lawyers won't fully understand unless they've been in it themselves. There is insufficient training, or none, on how to protect women through toxic divorces from destructive men who lack empathy. The legal system is not set up for this, don't expect justice, aim for something else ~ contact me to learn more.
You don't have to be cruel or nasty, you just have to be mindful of what you are dealing with, and remember that no one is going to protect you from your evil guy, it's all on you, but you can find support and how-to information to help you through it. Do not let your guard down, especially if he is suddenly kind and accommodating, it's a red flag that you are begin groomed and set up for something he wants, that you will find out later. You have to be anticipate the same typical destructive tactics that were in the relationships, to be used in divorce and appeals for modification and act accordingly.
A Strategy Session will help you identify what to watch out for ahead of time
so you can create an agreement that protects you
and establishes the least amount of harm and limited, or no, contact with you even if you have children. It will also help you identify and script your needs for your lawyer and lawyers to ease that financial strain, and trying to be understood by an attorney who just doesn't get it or who doesn't see your hyper-vigilance is fear and a cry for help and support. Establish that support elsewhere and then use it to shortcut the legal interactions to save stress, depression, and money.
Do not expect a lawyer to understand the dynamics at play if you are trying to get away from a destructive partner, they don't have the interest or desire, typically, to fight these guys will all they got and to be as suspicious as you need to be with them. Their fighting for you or supporting you may fall short of what you need, or what you expected, which will be frustrating and compromise your final agreement.
will help you identify potential trouble spots with proposed agreements and toxic strategies that are likely to be used to wear you down during and after your divorce. Awareness is key if you are to protect yourself from more harm, manipulation, and post divorce hassles.
Despite how you may want your divorce to go, using the friendly "conscious divorce" approach with a destructive partner is a mistake that aligns you for more destruction, control, manipulation, and upheaval during and after divorce. Get the right strategies and awareness in place when divorcing a destructive partner, and prepare to protect yourself.
You'll save time, money, energy, & post divorce issues.
One session may be all you need.
Request a Private & Confidential Strategy Session:
This post-divorce, short service program is suited to anyone
who is having trouble rebuilding, starting over, being single, dating again,
or anyone who is still being harassed, blindsided, or manipulated by an ex.
Success-after-Divorce Recovery Session
There is a right way and a wrong way to start over after divorcing a destructive.
Anyone who has continued to be emotionally bullied and/or financially abused, even subtly, or those who continue to have their stability compromised, threatened, or destroyed by a divorce agreement or a bully of an ex...or who has an ex who punishes you and/or the children, withholds information or resources, or uses the divorce agreement to degrade or humiliate, hasn't yet found the right way to get rid of the bully.
If you've also been punished for standing up for yourself, saying no, or holding your ex accountable, or have experienced legal abuse, or been threatened with job losses and inability to pay support or insurance, there are ways to stop this form of abuse.
This is the right level of care for anyone wanting to get over a toxic ex or messy divorce the right way ~ putting you and your kids (if you have any), first and mapping out a way for you to heal and stop the abuse and control that has continued.
Typically one to three sessions.
Request a Private & Confidential Recovery Session:
What you should know after you divorce a destructive
There is no shame in having some trouble starting over after you divorce destruction.
Post divorce trouble from destructive men is common; it's not always over just because you left. These guys don't just go away because you left them, they need to punish you for leaving them and they never quit. They will even sabotage their own kids.
Divorce Recovery Sessions were designed to help those who are ready to STOP the chaos and uncertainty after the divorce has finished, because these aren't normal break ups.
If you're having a hard time rebuilding after a toxic guy, you aren't alone. When you keep getting knocked back down emotionally, spiritually, financially...or find that you get sucked back in by his goodgame tricks ~ the ones that set you up to believe him again, or to be hopeful that now, finally, he is going to back off and leave you alone, and you mistakenly trust him because he befriends you, or suddenly "gets it" and misses you, contacts you, or suddenly becomes helpful, understanding, and kind, you will never be stable because you are always being groomed.
There are also the typicalbadgames that can resurface regularly and come every time you finally get some traction or success behind you after leaving.Suddenly, there he is again, like an annoying mosquito in the middle of the night. He's been waiting to strike...telling lies about you, or about himself or money issues, gaslighting you, financially toying with you, or trying to financially paralyze you even though it means taking the kids down too. He may drag you through court and subject you to legal abuse. Your pain, your children's pain, none of it matters to him.
These guys are notorious for never letting go and punishing any way they can until they find someone else to latch onto.If any of this is happening it's time to put a strategy in place to stop the harm and impact these crazy-makers are good at so you can finish with the past and create a new life that he will have zero impact on regardless of what he does or doesn't do.
If you are emotionally drained from financially bullying, you need a strategy for building a new foundation, no shame, no guilt, just a solid plan to get your footing back and handle things in a way that disempowers him and works for you and your children. When your stability is constantly challenged, rocked, and threatened, it creates unrest and insecurity for you and your kids. You might not even realize the toll it takes or how it inhibits your life, and worms it's way to negatively impact your health, your career, your money handling ~ and your kids. Destructive guys cause a negative impact on everyone they have ever been close to; eventually, they are exposed by their own impropriety and yet continue in spite of their transparency, believing to the end that it is everyone else, not them who is messed up. No one can deal with this kind of person long term, not even employers, without being negatively impacted, drained, or deceived.
This short service program provides the right level of care for post divorce issue like these ~ no matter what they are or how long it's been since you left.
Request a Private & Confidential Recovery Session: